How to find Wifey (A Brother's Guide)

Rule #1: It’s not as easy as you think it is. I’m guessing you’ve figured that out already.

You know marriage is major. It’s a marathon; inevitable marching through an uncertain, sometimes rocky terrain. And you’re not quite the guy from Man vs. Wild.
Good show.


You live in a world where women outnumber you by like… 58 to 1. You’re educated, employed, and licensed to life. But you know better. You know that some women are easy, but so is the trouble that follows. Too bad some dudes didn’t get that memo.

I know one guy who had a bit too much excitement. He was once a happy and single twenty-something. Now he’s paying child support for three babies by four baby-mamas, an alimony check and suffering from a -250 credit score. Once young and happy, now, he’s fifty-two pounds overweight, bitter, smoking weed and eating egg sandwiches in his studio apartment at 36.

You don’t want to be that guy.

Women don’t want to understand, but you know that guys have a lot more to lose when it comes to marriage. Your livelihood depends on it. She can make you… or break you. You could live happily ever after, or you could be the next Jon and Kate +8.
I feel bad for the both of them.
It’s risky. And yet you want to take it. Because you know one super quality woman is better than 10 shallow chicks on the roster. You know what it’s about, though:

Women are easy to find. The potential wifey is not.

Chicks have been getting manuals, how-to guides, and articles to identify Mr. Right for years, while guys have been left to their own devices to find the future Mrs. Well, it’s time to get on my Obama. Change is coming.
Too bad guys aren't so prepared...

Without further ado, here’s 10 facts about your future wife that you should know:

Fact #1: The Future Wife Always Goes for Appreciation… Not Attention.
All females possess the instinctive desire to get attention. I care not what you say. See some girl wearing a wild outfit? Attention. Bridezillas? Attention. Strippers? Yeah, the tips are nice. They help. But ultimately, it’s all about attention.

This past Saturday, I’m in Old City, and I saw this girl wearing a shirt… That’s it, a shirt. She had panties on, and high heels, no pants. Her butt was literally out there. And dudes are just smacking it, rubbing on her in public. (I don’t have the balls to do that. I don’t. Sorry.) Obviously, she wanted some attention. And she got it. But did any of the guys appreciate her? Ha…
Stuff like this kills me. Women talk about "She's only wearing it because guys like it." Yeah, and I'm sure a common stranger would like it if I gave them $100. That don't mean I'm going to do it...

There’s a big difference between liking the way a woman looks, and actually liking a woman. Some women you’re attracted to physically, some women you’re just drawn to. The females I saw on Saturday night? Yeah, right. If she lets all these dudes touch her, why would you want to wife that? Guys might have fun with her for the night, but they’ll NEVER bring her home to meet mom. Sorry, we’re just evil that way.

The future wife would never be caught dead looking like a prostitute in the streets. Why? Because that’s not what the mature woman seeks. And that sure isn’t what the mature man wants in a wife. That’s embarrassing.

The future wife is not seeking attention, but a higher form of the latter... it's called appreciation; someone who loves her for the many things she can do - not just in bed - for her man. And such a woman wears appropriate clothing to the appropriate events.

And while we’re on the subject…

Fact #2: You Will NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER Meet Your Future Wife in the Club or the Bar… EVER!!!!!
Having fun? Yes. Looking for Mrs. Right? No.

I need brothers to stop believing that this can happen. It cannot. You were drunk, she was high, and you were grinding your genitals in a smoky basement. Chances are you aren’t going to walk down the aisle of Holy Matrimony with your soul mate. So don’t even ask for the number. That’s a waste of your thumbs.

You already know that the club is like a fast-food restaurant for men. It’s like a take-out. “I’ll have those tittays and the booty, please…. To Go!” A woman could be named Sheila Smith, and she’s a business owner with a Masters’ Degree. She steps into most nightclubs and she becomes Big Booty Chick #7. Sorry, men are just evil that way. The wifey thing just doesn’t work in a club. Besides, wasn’t she bent over, shaking it for the other dude three minutes ago when they were playing “Doo-Doo Brown?” You don’t want to WIFE that. So stop acting like something is going to happen here.

Fact #3: The Future Wife is Never Easily Accessible.

All guys know the chicks that you always seem to catch in the club, in the mall, or even at the school events. Everybody knows them – and even worse – everybody has a story about them. Not good. You don’t want to wife that. Too many people have too many stories, and she’s been exposed to too many Negroes for your taste.

The future wifeys are those chicks you don’t usually see. Maybe you’ll catch them in a lounge, maybe you’ll see them in the bookstore on a Wednesday afternoon. Perhaps you might walk by her at a non-profit organization event. Conceivably, you could catch her on her way from church. But you’ll never catch them at the typical, ghetto “all the girls are doing this… so I’m here too” ventures. They’re exclusive. Like my man Reggie says, “She’s just a summer breeze, you’re just lucky to catch her.” So you have to be prepared when you get your chance.
A summer breeze. I like that...

Fact #4: The Future Wife Keeps a Proper Appearance

A. If her hair is one of the colors of the American flag, stop. You don’t want to wife a chick with crazy hair. Ostentatious wigs, “Janet Jackson” braids, and dyed hair does not count. It does NOT work.

Look at Jet Magazine. Right before the “Beauty of the Week” page, you have those marriage photos. Tell me how many brides you see with ghetto hairstyles. EXACTLY. Most of these women have either natural hairstyles, or the HBCU hair (which most mature men would prefer anyway).

B. Gold teeth? Long, colored finger nails? Ridiculously colored contacts? Betty-Boop eyelashes? Run the other way. Now…

C. Tattoos lose major points too. I’ve asked around. Do you really want a wife looking like Jackie-O? Imagine you have to go to a business meeting. Do you really want your wife wearing something like, “The Baddest B**ch” on the inside of her arm? Yuck. That says a lot about your choices to everyone. Go thaddaway.

D. Drunkenness and drug usage is horrible. "You don't want to have to carry your OWN wife home because she's drunk," one my friends say. "Or come home and she's lighting it up. Time for her to go."

Fact #5: The Future Wife is Always Friendly and Feminine.
(Left to Right) Engaged, Married, (Could Have Done Much Better) and In a Relationship

In my experience, I've never seen extra sarcastic and mean-spirited females get a ring. Men hate to be played, or made to look stupid, and no brother is going to spend the rest of his life with some chick that can’t help her “smart mouth.”

But that’s how you can spot the future wife. Even when she’s having a bad day, she makes it a habit to be friendly and becoming, not nasty and short. I’m not talking about some crazy happy woman that annoys you, just someone who is real. But their “real” is optimistic, if that makes sense. You can tell the ones who are genuine from the ones who are phony. And you should take advantage if you run into her.

The wifey knows that her best asset is not some body part… but it’s her SMILE.

Fact #6: The Future Wife is Passionate about Something.

If you ask her what she’s into, and all she can come up with is something like,

“I dunno, I just like to go out, chill wit my girls, whatever…”

Leave.

The future wife is enthusiastic about something positive; God, family, community service, literature, international affairs, cultural matters, food… something. Its one thing to say it… it’s another to see it. When you see the excitement in her eyes about what she’s doing, best believe she can get excited about you too. That’s marriage material right there.

Fact #7: The Future Wife is Funny.

She needs to have a sense of humor – not the guy-bashing evil type of humor – but genuine comedy. Someone who’s witty, who can keep you laughing at stuff is a major plus when you’re thinking about lifetime commitments. You want to laugh with her, not at her.

Fact #8: The Future Wife is an Excellent Cook.

If she orders three wings and fried rice with an iced tea for dinner all the time, press fast forward. She’s no good. Mature men understand that a good woman who can cook very well can change things. You aren’t so quick to spend the night out with the boys…

“Hmmmmmm, she DID cook some baked chicken, collard greens and baked macaroni and cheese tonight. With the chocolate cake too? I’m going home…”

Make sure she possesses the ability to cook breakfast, lunch AND dinner. Don’t take her word for it. Eat the food and verify for yourself.
Make sure she's a professional cook.

Fact #9: The Future Wife is Man-Savvy.

Things like:

A. She understands the “I’m Watching the Game” rule. As in, if it’s Sunday afternoon and I’M WATCHING THE GAME she is not going to come in and poke me to death while I’M WATCHING THE GAME… unless she just lost all of her hair, the house is on fire, my daughter broke both of her legs, and the dog got beheaded… all at once.

B. She listens. Never cuts you off, finishes your sentences, and interrupts you. You hate that.

C. She isn’t spiteful. As in, she knows EXACTLY what would hurt you deeply and piss you off, yet she will not use that information as a weapon to gain leverage in an argument or in the overall relationship.

Example: If she says something like, “Don’t you forget! I make $25,000 more per year than your BROKE @SS and I have two more degrees! YOOOOUUU WASH THE DISHES!” She’s… got… to… go.
Keep this to a minimum.

D. She covers his weaknesses and never exposes his failures. You never want to hear her tell your boys something like, “Yeah, he’s been driving my car for months now… he can’t afford a vehicle.” Mmm..

E. She knows that men “need to feel needed” as my friend, Reggie says. They understand that (especially for black men) positive reinforcement is the best medicine.

You can tell who these types of women are; by the way they treat you. If you just met them recently, and they’re complimentary and flattering, most likely they’re man-savvy. You should hang-up/ or walk away with a “MAN I REALLY LIKE HER” feeling. If you left the encounter feeling riled up, rejected and uneasy, she’s not right for you.

Fact #10: The Future Wife is Sexy… Inside and Out

As my pastor says, “A woman’s body will always change; it’s the inside that counts.” It’s true. Trophy wives look nice, but that’s about all you’re going to get. You want someone with substance, someone who can go the distance with you.
Like this.

At the end of the day, whomever you choose to marry, you want to make sure she’s someone who will always do you good and not evil, someone who has your back, someone who represents your existence with class. You want to wake up when you’re 47, look at her, and say “Thank God!” not “Why God?” Most sisters are demanding Kings, so if you are a King, make sure you get a woman who has EARNED the right to be called a Queen.
It takes a special woman to make you feel like that, so choose carefully… and good luck.