Why African American relationships are failing.....
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I have seen strong black families all my life and I think there are larger forces at work in the US that helps to suppress the natural love we have for one another.
This is not a post to point fingers (we already have way to many).
It is a post to step away from our egos and recognize larger forces at work that helps to keep us and our women from staying together.
Hope this thread remains positive.
Some observations(not a conclusive list):
1. The label "Strong" is being misused by both men & women
Men's definition of strong is educated, having a good job, making money.
Women's definition of strong is educated, having a good job, making money
Using the above definitions of strong,
strong men + strong women = education + good jobs + money
It does not include the elements necessary for building a strong family.
The key does not lie in the individualistic ambitions of each person.
The whole must be greater than the sum of its parts.
2. In a capitalistic society, cooperation is not encouraged unless someone is being exploited.
Businesses are built on exploitation.
Competition and competitiveness is encouraged and rewarded. this spills over into relationships.
3. Trust is non-existent even between family members.
If you can't trust your brother or sister, how much more difficult would it be to trust someone you are dating/married to.
4. Self-sacrifice is not valued. Selfishness is rewarded.
5. Life revolves around acquiring material things. The culture dictates that the more material things you possess, the more stature you will have gained and thus become powerful.
The problem is that that kind of power is empty since it is not anchored in the true essence of who you are.
The daily struggle to maintain status causes a great deal of anxiety that also spills over into relationships and how courting occurs.
Thus the baller types stand out initially to the resentment of the average joe until women are matured and then the average joe lashes out from years of being rejected based on the materialistic model of courting.
6. The nuclear family.
This type of family arrangement is NOT compatible for the African family.
It is beneficial to members of the white race since they already have a 400 year head start as a group to afford teh luxury of surviving family breakups.
If you look at the progress of all other groups you will see a clear pattern of the extended family at work.
Hispanic parents, grandparents help to maintain discipline, sense of identity, sense of culture. Financially there is no cost to baby sitting, nursing home fees etc...
This type of family withstands divorces since there is a greater chance that another male or female role model exists in the household.
Same goes for Italian families, Asian families etc....
Black/African families are emulating a group that is declining in numbers.
This is not a post to point fingers (we already have way to many).
It is a post to step away from our egos and recognize larger forces at work that helps to keep us and our women from staying together.
Hope this thread remains positive.
Some observations(not a conclusive list):
1. The label "Strong" is being misused by both men & women
Men's definition of strong is educated, having a good job, making money.
Women's definition of strong is educated, having a good job, making money
Using the above definitions of strong,
strong men + strong women = education + good jobs + money
It does not include the elements necessary for building a strong family.
The key does not lie in the individualistic ambitions of each person.
The whole must be greater than the sum of its parts.
2. In a capitalistic society, cooperation is not encouraged unless someone is being exploited.
Businesses are built on exploitation.
Competition and competitiveness is encouraged and rewarded. this spills over into relationships.
3. Trust is non-existent even between family members.
If you can't trust your brother or sister, how much more difficult would it be to trust someone you are dating/married to.
4. Self-sacrifice is not valued. Selfishness is rewarded.
5. Life revolves around acquiring material things. The culture dictates that the more material things you possess, the more stature you will have gained and thus become powerful.
The problem is that that kind of power is empty since it is not anchored in the true essence of who you are.
The daily struggle to maintain status causes a great deal of anxiety that also spills over into relationships and how courting occurs.
Thus the baller types stand out initially to the resentment of the average joe until women are matured and then the average joe lashes out from years of being rejected based on the materialistic model of courting.
6. The nuclear family.
This type of family arrangement is NOT compatible for the African family.
It is beneficial to members of the white race since they already have a 400 year head start as a group to afford teh luxury of surviving family breakups.
If you look at the progress of all other groups you will see a clear pattern of the extended family at work.
Hispanic parents, grandparents help to maintain discipline, sense of identity, sense of culture. Financially there is no cost to baby sitting, nursing home fees etc...
This type of family withstands divorces since there is a greater chance that another male or female role model exists in the household.
Same goes for Italian families, Asian families etc....
Black/African families are emulating a group that is declining in numbers.
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